The Japanese Mind: Personal and Social Relationships

This review will look at some select Japanese vocabulary that summarizes human relationships in modern Japanese culture, with the West as a point of comparison. The article, drawing on inspiration from ‘The Japanese Mind Understanding Contemporary Japanese Culture — A Collection of Essays, Edited by Roger J. Davies’ is designed to provide an overview of concepts unique to human relationships in Japanese society, as an introduction to understanding Japanese culture.

AMAE: DEPENDENCE IN JAPANESE RELATIONSHIPS

Amae — (n) ‘depending on the benevolence and kindness of others’

The boss or person in charge of training a younger subordinate will also take on the responsibilities of any mistakes made by the trainee.

Amae is key to understanding how Japanese get along with one another and particularly describes relationships of dependence, such as a small child to their parents, or a very elderly person to their adult children. 

The roots of amae are likely to be the strong infant-mother relationship that is nurtured from birth, through breast feeding and into childhood. The childish word uma-uma, indicating the desire for breast milk, is believed to be the source of the root word ama. There is also strong amae found between adults in relationships, between husband and wife, teacher and student, doctor and patient, boss and subordinate, where one or both feel indebted to the other. This is why in Japan, the age hierarchy is such an important part of navigating one’s position in society. Amae, despite seeming to describe a concept that is universal, is unique to Japan, with an emphasis on the dependence and debt that is felt towards each other.

Japanese people often find it difficult to refuse requests, as this could break down the amae in a relationship. Westerners and people of other cultures, in contrast, might not have such difficulty in refusing offers. This sense of dependence may have developed through the close dependence communities had on one another given the small communities Japanese geography promotes, and the lack of available travel, due to dense mountainous regions. Academics believe that, while amae is uniquely Japanese in its fullness, it is likely that amae exists in a more diluted form across all cultures.

HEDATARU AND NAJIMU: PERSONAL SPACE and boundaries

Hedataru — (v) ‘To separate one’s things from another, to set them apart’

Najimu — (v)‘To become attached to, familiar with, used to’

Personal space in relationships between people in Japan can be described with these two words, which take meaning in both a physical and psychological sense. Friendships with najimi (the noun form of najimu) and without hedatari, are close relationships. Relationships develop by establishing hedatari (the noun form of hedataru), moving through hedatari, and deepening friendship by najimu.

One very obvious difference in Japan to any Westerner who visits is that when people greet each other - they bow, keeping some distance from each other. Bowing is a more formal form of greeting than a handshake, and a standard way of greeting in Japan. Hand shaking is fairly common but less so than in Western countries. Hugging is rare, and one would never expect to see a European-style kiss on the cheek as a greeting. This makes sense when considered in the light of hedatari and najimi. To build relationships in Japan, it is important to show patience and restraint while listening to and prioritizing the concerns of others. Respecting another person's personal space is one way that people in Japan show this.

©︎TOKI

Once hedatari is established, the second stage is to move through hedatari. This occurs naturally as people become closer and — as is familiar in most cultures — feel more comfortable in closer proximity to one another. A more concrete example is to invite an acquaintance into your home. The acquaintance has been invited from the outside (soto) to the inside (uchi). This is important because uchi is closely tied to the idea of one’s own world, whereas soto has nothing to do with the self. Therefore to be invited to one’s home is a way of being invited into one’s personal space. This signifies moving through hedatari. Ikebana, or Japanese flower arrangement was often used as a symbol of moving through hedatari. People who were welcomed into the home were greeted with a flower arrangement displayed near the front entrance.

Giving a gift can serve the same purpose, as a the action of gift-giving is a symbol of wanting to break down the social barriers between two people so they can become closer as friends.

Thirdly, najimi is established. A relationship with najimi is one where hedatari no longer exists. The friendship can be deepened in two ways: ‘staying together’ and becoming closer physically. An example of ‘staying together’ might be a whole family sitting in the same room, but each member doing their own thing — they are happy to be spending time in each other’s company but not required to know what each other is thinking exactly. Becoming closer physically could be crossing legs to warm each other by the fire on a cold winter’s evening. Similarly, but more uniquely to Japan, are onsen (hot springs), where people shed their clothes, go together naked into the hot water, enjoying each other’s company as a group while washing and relaxing their bodies. This is a psychological pleasure as much as a physical one, as taking part in the warm community atmosphere is a wonderful place to escape solitude and stress to relax and socialize. Spending time together creates a sense of unity, which greatly contributes to the development of relationships with najimi, and without hadatari.

GIRI: Gift-Giving and OBLIGATIONS IN Japanese SOCIETY

Giri — (n) ‘the feeling and behavior of individuals towards people whom they are indebted and owe gratitude to as a result of previous kindness or societal pressures’

Giri is the strong feeling which governs the behavior of those who are indebted to another. While there is not an exact translation into English, Westerners might understand giri as a term to describe the social forces that are the glue in keeping harmony between each other and in forming a loose social hierarchy. Its definition has been molded through many centuries of Japanese history, from feudal times by the samurai class in the Kamakura period to neo-Confucian influences in the Edo period. To the samurai, giri meant ‘a custom of returning something for goodwill’. In neo-Confucian times it evolved to mean ‘a rule one has to obey in human relations and social relationships’. Nowadays it is understood as moral principles, duties or rules one has to obey in social relationships as well as behavior one is obliged to follow even if it against their will. Giri can be found expressed in a great many relationships: parent-child, wife-husband, friends, business connections, and so on. When someone feels as though another has been kind to them, they feel obliged to return the favor in some form. This idea is felt very strongly and helps to keep things running smoothly in relationships and in a broader sense, throughout society.

Giri is exercised through the high quantity of gift-giving that is practiced between people of all types of relationships, both longstanding and new. People believe that through doing this, good harmony is kept between individuals and communities, which in turn prevents arguments and conflict. And it seems that this view is backed up with evidence. It is estimated that roughly the same amount of money is spent on legal fees to handle disputes between people in the U.S.A. as is spent by people in Japan giving gifts, which prevents these disputes happening. Giri (through gift-giving — also known as ‘zoto’) does seem to work — and it is likely the practice will long continue.

SHUDAN ISHIKI: GROUP CONSCIOUSNESS

Shudan ishiki — (n) A term to describe that in Japanese society, people tend to be group-oriented, giving priority to group harmony over the individual

Group consciousness is a stronger social force than in other cultures, where individualism may be more celebrated. Typically, people feel a strong sense of loyalty to their social group, which yields a camaraderie and connective solidarity. This is seen throughout Japanese society -  through non-verbal communication, the distinction between uchi and soto and a large emphasis on harmony over arguments.

One way that group consciousness is shown is through non-verbal communication. In Japanese society, cooperative attitudes are typically more highly valued than strong individual voices. Therefore, one must be skilled at manipulating what is said (tatemae) and what is meant (honne). If done well, group harmony is maintained, even when discussing potentially controversial topics.

Japanese society, like in the West, is made up of many social circles, each with its own consciousness and tacit understanding of each other. In Japan, however, one can categorize the circle of friends or acquaintances depending on how close they are to you. Uchi (‘insiders’) is the closest circle of family and friends and consists of two categories. The first category of uchi relates to the closest friends and family, in which members of the group have a significant, longstanding relationship. These are the people than someone will feel closest to in the world. The second category of uchi (people which are referred to as ‘shiriai’) is the next level out from this: old classmates, in-laws, and more distant relatives. These circles are established by someone’s 20s and tend to stay the same through most of their lives. People outside these circles come under the category of soto (meaning ‘outsiders’), which includes people one rarely comes into contact with, such as most business acquaintances. People in the soto circle are treated with respect in formal settings but would not be welcome unannounced, as those in uchi might. Through these categorizations with specified words in the Japanese language, group boundaries are crystallized and people are more aware of them. This contributes to group consciousness and a sense of unity within these groups. 

Unity and conformity is king in Japan

Such is the strength of unity in the group that it is discouraged for an individual to go against what the group determines to be best. There is a famous proverb — Deru kui wa utaeru, meaning ‘the nail that stands up will be pounded down’ — which highlights this. From a combination of the comfort felt in unity and the fear of being ostracized, people tend to act in similar ways in the group. Such group consciousness helps the society and infrastructure run at world-leading levels of efficiency and standards. However more recently, perhaps due to a strong Western influence, there is a trend towards individualism especially in the younger generations.

SUMMARY

Underlying social norms in Japan dictate the formation of relationships for Japanese people, producing a context that a Westerner may find subtly different in nature compared to the type of relationships they are used to. While fundamental characteristics of any human relationship exist in all cultures, Japanese relationships tend to place an emphasis on reservation - and everything else that comes with that. Interactions are intertwined with respect and politeness, and personal space is preserved. Group dynamics are viewed differently too, although on the whole, once one digs a little bit under the surface there are very few differences between Japanese relationships and those found anywhere in the rest of the world.